Disappointment at its disappointing best.

This blog has been a few days coming, I was going to write it when it was fresh in my mind and in my emotions. I suppose it's a good thing that I've had time to 'stew' on it, as it could have been wash of "f**k this, f**k that". Even though if you know me, I'm not one to swear all too often, but you can understand it would be a massive rant, rather than a well thought-out blog.

So I got a lovely phone-call that sent me spiralling. I won't go into details, but quite obviously, it left me feeling disappointed. Which lead to other uncomfortable feelings.

Following that phone-call, after I still hadn't managed to lift myself up, my fish, "Lihko" died the next morning. Which after having him for longer than a year, was hard to deal with. I haven't had a fish live that long, and I was quite proud of the effort.

Now I was thinking to myself, what is it that was disappointing me so. Was it because I felt I'd been unfairly done by? Was it because I felt myself useless and unworthy of my previous position and was upset that others had validated this thought? (Don't get me wrong, it's great to be validated by others, but not when it's an aspect of your negative self-talk). Was it simply shock, could I have taken it in a better stride, and thought before I reacted with such a feeling?

I settled on option number two. It was me thinking, "well I always I thought I was crap at this position, no wonder I've lost it". Yet, that's not so. I am still thinking about it now, two days later, but I've come to think that if I was at that position in the first place, and wasn't moved until a year later, I mustn't have been too crap, right? Otherwise they would have moved me before now.

It still hurts to think about it though, and I won't deny that. Simply trying to think about it the way I should (as I've just mentioned about not being useless 'cause I held the position for a year), it's still not that easy just to feel good about it.

I think that's one thing myself, and others should try. Find the truth and the positives in situations, but remember that you are allowed to feel how you feel about certain things. Life isn't always rainbows, kids.

One thing I've been taught, is to "sit" with your feelings. As shite and uncomfortable as they may be, they will pass. So sit, accept them for what they are - yucky, then wait til they 'move on', because they will, eventually.

Another good thing I should start to think about, is that the world doesn't dish out negative happenings, they just happen, as do positive happenings. E.g a bird may poo on your shoulder as you walk down the street - the world hasn't made this happen to spite you, it just happened. Same as e.g if you find $5 on your car floor (did that they other day, boo yeah!), it just happens.

So for instance my fish dying less than 24 hours after I get the phone-call. Of course I believed the world was out to get me, but it's not true. It happens. It's what I believe to be a mixture of Fate and Destiny. I believe both work hand in hand. I think that Destiny creates a path for you, and Fate decides what happens along that path. Which means somewhere down the track this loss of position may lead to something, though it was Fate who chose the loss to happen, rather than another event. You get me?

So disappointment. It's there. I feel it. I acknowledge it. It WILL leave.

Alright, hoping that may have got you guys thinking, however this is no way me going "think like this, people!". It's simply me thinking what I should work on and think about, and if something comes out of it that's helpful for you, then that's great!

So I'll sign out for another time.

Adios mi amigos!
Hasta luago.
Chase the Morning (Nix).